Goodbye 2011......On To The Next!

Whew, this year went by so fast! I still can't believe it's almost over. So much has happened this year, a lot of needles, a lot of tests, many doctor visits, a lot of dildo cams, being under anesthesia twice, all that and nothing to show for it except bills. But I remain steadfast in my quest to motherhood and will continue to stand firm in my faith.

So, there's a new year ahead of us. In an effort to not jinx myself by saying that I'm making a few 'resolutions' for the new year (because we all know that we rarely stick to those), I have a few 'goals' for the new year:

1. Exercise, exercise, exercise.....when has this ever not been number one on the list. Seriously though, I'm a few pounds overweight so I need to do something, esp. if by some miracle I am to get pregnant this year.

2. Be more active in my blogging....in my defense, this was my first time trying the blogging thing, but I do agree that it did kind of suck a bit. I'm sure it was all over the place, which is pretty much how it will probably continue to be, just with a bit more reporting on happenings. I've got different things going on, so I think it's good to touch on everything vs. having a niche, even though I think that's how you're supposed to do this thing. But hey, my blog, my rules! Moving on......

3. Work on decorating the house.....we've been here for a little over three years now and there's still so much to do: painting, ripping out that ugly linoleum and tiling the kitchen, you name it. So, I'm gonna battle that this year.

4. Organize, organize, organize....everything! I think I'm going on an all out war with clutter this year, I want to organize every cupboard, closet, drawer, you name it. I've found a few inspirational sites this year and I'm def gonna put those to use in 2012.

5. Cook and bake more....I think I did pretty good with this this year, compared to what I've ever done in the past. But I want to try even more recipes, and hopefully I'll be able to share some here.

6. Date night....Mr. M and I had a few of these this year, but not nearly enough. So, I want to make it a priority that this happens at least twice a month.

7. Get my butt to work by 9:30am....that 10-10:30am thing that I was doing this year is not good. Shoot, by that time many others are already almost halfway through their day. So, this is my aim and I sure plan to stick to it.

8. Be a better god-mother....Lord knows I've been a terrible one thus far, and she's a good kid. So, I'm gonna make an effort to be more involved in her life.

I'm sure I'll add to this list as time goes on, but I also don't want to make it too long and unrealistic and not reach those goals, so I guess we'll go see how 2012 goes.

In the famous words of Jim Jones- 'Pop Champagne', and to all........

…. Happy New Year

 Oh, and don't drink and drive! See you in 2012 :)

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

I don’t know what it is about this show, but I have to admit that it’s one of my guilty pleasures. I don’t know if it’s because it’s produced in my city, or if it’s because it’s centered on black women, but I love it. Mr. M refuses to watch it with me because he feels like he'll be losing brain cells. I’ve been a fan since Season 1, and I continue to be, even though the 4th season premiere episode had me thinking ‘what the hell’, and for the first time I too felt like I had lost a couple brain cells after watching it.

However, here’s my synopsis on the ‘housewives’:

Kandi: I think it’s great that you continue to do well even after Xscape. I think you’re a great mother to Riley and I think you and your Mom have a great relationship. But please don’t forget that she is still your mother, so there are boundaries. Know when to leave Mom at home. The porn industry is a multi-million dollar industry, so I think you’ll have much success with your sex toy line. Keep doing you, and continue to ‘try’ to see the good in others.

Kim: Thank God for Kroy! You needed some structure in your life. I’m glad you finally came to the realization that a relationship with a married man has no future. I’m glad your girls finally have a positive role model in their lives. Oh, and please get your wig together. I know you’re pregnant, but that doesn’t mean that you can't keep it together.

Nene:  You have confirmed for me that money and fame does change a person. You were my favorite for the past 3 Seasons, but I’ve been finding myself rolling my eyes one too many times when you’re in a scene. You are very rich! Yeah, ok. Thank God for Celebrity Apprentice. Try taking a piece of the humble pie before God takes your blessings away. I know people mature and people grow, but please don’t forget your past and where you’ve been. You weren’t always in this place, so quit turning up your nose at folks. There’s an old saying in Jamaica, ‘the humblest calf sucks the most milk’.

Phaedra: Or as they say, Phaedra ‘Highclass’ Parks. That alias is not very fitting in my opinion. Phaedra ‘Extra’ Parks is more like it. Now let me be positive for a minute, when you are in your element, I am actually a bit convinced that you’re a great lawyer. Outside of that, oh lawd! Can we say over-the-top! Just too much Phaedra! I don’t even want to revisit that circus of a baby shower you had, still *shaking my head* And please stop talking about folks and their ‘donkey booty’, and stop showing yours off. I’m sure Apollo won’t be too happy about that when he watches these episodes. And stop using the South to justify your ridiculousness. I've been here long enough to claim it, so I'm a bit offended by some of your comments.

Sheree: I must say, you've kinda grown on me. I wasn't a fan at all in the first two seasons, but I loved you last season. This season you and Nene are feuding and I'm seeing a bit of that ugly side again. You seem very bothered by the fact that you and Nene are no longer friends, and your way of trying to mask that is to do the high school thing with Phaedra, grow up! But, you're still much better than you were in the past, so I'll take it. On a more serious note, your ex-husband is a douche! Why are you still protecting this fool who won't own up to his responsibilities? I think this is the first time that we've seen you vulnerable. Take that man to court and make him pay child support, no questions.

Cynthia: I like you. You're calm and you seem like a very good friend. I was laughing at you when you had Nene sign that 'friendship contract' though. Really? But I like that you love and support your husband and love your family just as much. But please, you are 44, your family does not need to know the financial happenings in your life and they shouldn't have a vote on it. I understand that they love you and they want the best for you, but you are too grown to have them tell you what to do and what not to do with your money. Make your own decisions. Your husband may not have it all, but he's hustling, and you have to respect him for that. Oh, public speaking, not really your thing, sorry :( You're a good model though :)

This season promises to be very entertaining. I can't wait to watch again next Sunday.

Update (Long Overdue)

Finally.......Surgery In The Morning

So, after about two and a half weeks of back and forth calling to ERC, on Monday I finally got confirmed for surgery on Thursday. I had my pre-op done yesterday which was nothing short of frustrating. I got to the doctor's office at 1:30PM and did not leave the hospital until 6PM. They're just about the slowest set of people I've ever seen. I guess everything done at a hospital takes a looooong time, even if you aren't in the ER.

So surgery is confirmed for tomorrow morning at 11AM, and I'm set to arrive at 9AM. I will have a HSG done first, then an exploratory hysteroscopy, and possibly a tubal cannulation. I'm hoping that when she goes in, she'll have a clear view of everything and will be able to work some magic so that we can have some success after this.

Wish me luck!

I Start Birth Control Pills Tonight!!

I think it's so ironic that I've never taken birth control pills to prevent pregnancy in the past, but now I'm getting ready to take birth control pills so that I can get pregnant. If that isn't backwards, then I don't know what is.

CD 1 was Saturday, which was when I should have started taking the BCPs, but I had such a busy weekend planning and hosting our first Halloween party that I didn't get around to picking up the pills until today. So, I start them tonight, CD 3. I spoke to a nurse today at ERC and she said this should be fine.

I'm a little leery about taking these pills though, because I've heard so many stories about weight gain being one of the side effects. I'm already overweight and would really hate to gain any more pounds. But at this point, I will do whatever it takes to get pregnant. This will ensure that my lining is thin so that Dr. S. can take a good look at my ovaries and hopefully be able to confirm if my tubes are open.

Here goes.............

We Have A New Plan!!!!!!!!

Today we met with Dr. S at ERC. We went over my history, Mr. M's history, and our file from ACRM. She said she didn't see why we shouldn't do a couple more IUIs. She thinks that the polyps that was removed in May, may have very well prevented implantation, so moving forward with IUI is a good approach. Her only concern is that my AMH was very good, so we might have to be careful about having multiples.

I voiced my concerns about my short periods, and she suggested taking Clomid and 1 day of injectibles to help with any lining issues.

We also talked about me having a clear HSG but Dr. K not being able to see the openings to my tubes. Her thought is that my lining may have just been 'fluffy' when the hysteroscopy was done. Her method for doing those procedures is to have her patients take birth control pills to thin the lining so that a clear view of the uterus and the openings can be seen. She looked at the films from my HSG and commented that everything looked 'beautiful'.

So the new plan is as follows:

• At the beginning of my next cycle,  I will call to schedule a HSG and Hysteroscopy to be done at the same time.
• Begin taking BCP on CD1
• If my tubes are in fact blocked and if possible, they will insert a catheter to open the tubes
• Do a couple more IUIs and pray for a BFP

We're very optimistic about this new plan, and we're praying really hard that this works.

Five Question Friday!!!

1. Dream job...realistic and completely unrealistic.

My 'realistic' dream job is to be a Wedding Planner. My 'unrealistic' dream job....ahhh...President of the United States. Ok, I'm just kidding, can't really think of one.

2. Do you fart in front of your significant other?

Errr,  yeah. It's like a competition around these parts.

3. What's the furthest you've ever traveled from home? How far and where was it?

Furthest I've ever traveled from home was to the Dominican Republic for vacation.

4. How do you celebrate birthday for your kids? Family only or friends? ... Alternate for those without kiddos: How did you celebrate birthdays as a kid?

I didn't really have many birthday parties as a kid. It was pretty much like any other day, except for the birthday gifts I received.

5. Fave thing about fall?

I love the cool weather and the beauty. There's just something about the changing of the leaves and all the colors it brings.

That's just the way I see it......The Troy Davis Case

Tomorrow marks the beginning of Fall, my favorite season. I love the coolness it brings and the beauty it exudes. But today is marked by much anger from last night’s execution of Troy Davis. I won’t speak much about it, but I will give my two cents. In my opinion, execution may have been a bit much, although for the family of Mark MacPhail, this has given them a long awaited sense of peace. But with all the 'doubt' surrounding the case, I do believe that he should have been granted another trial. 

However, I am annoyed by all the FB posts and cries about the death of an innocent man. How do we know that he was innocent? At the very least I believe that he was an accomplice, so I’m not so quick to make cries of innocence. 

In any case, another life was taken, so my heart goes out to his family. I hope he made peace before he took his last breath.

A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age; he dies of being a man. 

~Percival Arland Ussher

Moving Forward....

So, I finally made an appointment with Dr. S at the Emory Reproductive Center for a second opinion. I should have done this a while back, but I'm a huge procrastinator, plus I've just been so depressed about the whole thing. My hope is that she'll do another HSG, (the first one was done back in January, 2010), to see if it shows that my tubes are blocked. I plan to mention my short periods which I think are a result of poor/deteriorating lining. Maybe she'll prescribe supplements or she might have some other insight into why this is happening.

I really hope she comes up with a good plan for us so that we have some other option other than IVF.

October can't get here soon enough......

Wednesday Watch List!!!

Happy Hump Day!!!!!

1. Good reads on infertility

2. Customized iPhone Case from Pretty Smitten

3. LV Travel Bag





In Remembrance of 09.11.2001

Today is my Mother's birthday, which should be a day of love, laughter, and happiness. But it's hard to feel complete happiness on a day like this when one of the most tragic occurrences in the world took place 10 years ago on this date.

I was 19 and on my way to class when I saw the crowd gathered around watching in awe. As soon as I realized what was taking place a stillness overcame me. Then we saw the second plane hit. We could almost feel the chaos, the panic, and the terror. We were terrified. That was a day that I will forever remember.

2,977 lives were lost that day, and countless others were forever changed.

I'd like to take a moment today to remember the lives lost on that tragic day, and to send thoughts and prayers to the family members and friends who are still trying to cope with their loss.

Friday Fashion Fix.....Pit-Pit-Patter

It's Raining....

IF In The News: One Sperm Donor, 150 Offspring

Cynthia Daily and her partner used a sperm donor to conceive a baby seven years ago, and they hoped that one day their son would get to know some of his half siblings — an extended family of sorts for modern times. So Ms. Daily searched a Web-based registry for other children fathered by the same donor and helped to create an online group to track them. Over the years, she watched the number of children in her son’s group grow. And grow. Today there are 150 children, all conceived with sperm from one donor, in this group of half siblings, and more are on the way. The New York Times

Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. I know a few women who were diagnosed with breast cancer or cervical cancer and went through treatment. Unfortunately, they all weren't able to survive that battle. However, I'm not familiar with or know of anyone who was/has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Regardless of that fact, I still want to bring awareness to this disease because it has such a grave impact on fertility.

Facebook's attempt at bringing awareness to ovarian cancer is an epic fail in my book.  Their idea of bringing awareness is to have people change their status to say, 'I am X weeks and craving Y'. Needless to say, this has caused quite the controversy, especially among infertiles like myself. It's hard to comprehend how making a statement with the false implication of being pregnant is a positive reflection on a disease that could potentially eliminate your chances of ever conceiving a child. Big contradiction!

Now let's be serious about this disease that is estimated to claim the lives of about 15,460 women. A woman's risk of getting ovarian cancer during her lifetime is about 1 in 71. Almost 46% of women have a 5-year survival rate. Of course, many people live longer than 5 years (and many are cured).

Some of the risk factors include using the fertility drug Clomid for longer than one year; having a family history of the disease where your mother, sister, or daughter has (or has had) this cancer; having a personal history of breast cancer.

About 20% of ovarian cancers are found at an early stage. When found early at a localized stage, about 94% of patients live longer than 5 years after diagnosis. Four possible symptoms of early ovarian cancer include:

• Bloating (due to a mass or accumulation of fluid)
• Pelvic or abdominal pain
• Difficulty eating or feeling full quickly
• Urinary symptoms (urgency or frequency)

These symptoms can of course be caused by other less serious conditions, but when these symptoms are caused by ovarian cancer they occur more often and are more severe.

Ways to find ovarian cancer early include pelvic exams, seeing a doctor if you have any of the symptoms noted above, and screening tests (transvaginal sonography and CA-125).

Surgery to stage and remove the cancer may include removing the uterus, both ovaries, and both fallopian tubes, thus eliminating your chances of conceiving a child (insert side eye to Facebook here).  It also means that you will go into menopause if you haven't already done so. Chemotherapy, targeted therapy, and hormone therapy are the use of drugs to treat the cancer. Radiation therapy uses high energy x-rays to kill cancer cells.

I just wanted to highlight a few points about ovarian cancer, but more information can be found at American Cancer Society, and I implore you to check out this information.

Let's Be Aware!!!!

Friday Fashion Fix.....Jungle Boogie!!

Animal Print Accessories.......

A Little Bit Of Sade

The beautiful and talented Sade is now on tour, and as I've mentioned before I'm a big fan. She performed here in Georgia a few weeks ago and regrettably I missed her performance. I've heard nothing but great reviews from those who had the opportunity to see her show.

So for your listening pleasure, here's a little bit of Sade......

Five Question Friday!!!

The weekend is finally here and I couldn't be happier. This was an extra tiring work week.


Here are the questions from this week's Five Question Friday blog hop, a little late, but for me it's still Friday :)

1. Did you make any fun purchases this week?

Yes! Talbots is my new fav place to shop, mostly for work clothes, so it's fun for me when I get great deals online or in store. On Thursday they were offering free shipping with no minimum purchase and an extra 50% off already marked down prices, so I quickly jumped on that deal. I got a pair of jeans, a twill dress, a corsage tank, and a poet shirt for my sister who's pregnant. Total cost $78.06, including tax. If that wasn't a good deal, then I don't know what is.

 

2. If you could go to any musical concert, what would it be?

Definitely Sade. I love, love, love her. She's on tour right now and I missed her performance when she was here in Georgia. Yes, I'm still kicking myself for that mistake. She performs in Greensboro, NC on September 10th and I'm trying to make my way there to see her. Fingers crossed.....

 

3. What is your least fav/ most fav house chore?

My least fav is definitely the dishes! I don't know why, I just do. I swear I get a backache every time I do the dishes. Ok fine, maybe it's just mind over matter, but it sure feels like it. I'd rather not do any chores, but they won't get done by themselves, so my 'most fav' is doing the laundry.

4. Would you prefer new appliances or clothes?

Is this a serious question? Clothes! No explanation needed there.

5. Miracle Whip or Mayo?

Mayo! I've never really ventured on the Miracle Whip side. Maybe I'll give it a try one of these days.....

Five Question Friday!!!

Happy Friday!

This is a blog hop from My Little Life.

1. Do you close the bathroom door when you are home alone?

Of course! I'm a big scaredy cat, so when I'm home alone I 'lock' the room doors, and then I 'lock' the bathroom door.

2. You have to walk around with a word on your forehead. That word describes you. One word. What is it?

Loyal! I know it's kinda boring, but that's me.

3. What store do you refuse to shop at and why?

Hmmm, I don't know of any that I currently refuse to shop at. But, if I visit a store and receive bad service, then I usually won't go back there.

4. If you participated in arranged marriages for your child(ren), who would you choose for your child(ren)?

This question is way ahead of me and my body.

5. If you could pick how and when you would die, would you?

Yeah! I've got a few things that I want to accomplish before my time is up, so if I were given that option I'd definitely take it. I'd like to die in my sleep when I'm old and gray and have given enough in life.

First DIY Project

Mr. M finally finished the hardwood flooring in the dining room. I won't even say how long it took, but let's just say that it's long overdue and I'm super happy that it's done. So that means it's time to paint and decorate. Funds are tight right now, so we have to be as conservative as possible with our spending.

I've been visiting a lot of blogs lately geared towards decorating and home improvement, and have gotten some inspiration to take on a few DIY projects. I think that's the cheapest and most creative way to decorate these days.

So I've decided to start visiting thrift and antique stores to find old furniture that can be repurposed. I found my first piece this past Saturday, and Mr. M and I picked it up on Monday. Here it is....

I think it's a great piece, and I'm super excited to see what the finished product will look like. More to come....

Five Question Friday

This is a bloghop from  http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/2011/07/five-question-friday-72911.html


Here are this week's questions and answers:

1. Vow renewal ceremonies-yay or nay? I love the idea. Why not show that after so many years of marriage, you're still willing to publicly profess your love and committment to each other.

2. What sound/s annoy you the most? When people smack while eating, arghhh, so annoying.

3. If you had to pick, would you have only all boys, or only all girls for kids? Before I knew that I would have problems conceiving, I useto wish for wanted all boys. Right now, I'd be more than happy with either one, or both.

4. Do you believe in alternative medicine? Definitely. We have so many homemade remedies back home that are created just from surrounding bushes and they work wonders. This is one of the reasons why I'm willing to do acupuncture along with herbs to help with fertility.

5. Would you take a family member's chidren and raise them if they needed it? In a heartbeat!

Monday Madness: Grandma Booty Shaking???

I've been slacking a lot lately and haven't blogged much, but I'm trying to do better. Things have been pretty calm, so not a lot of madness going on, but I did want to mention something that happened this past weekend.

The family gathered at my Aunt's house on Saturday to celebrate my Uncle-in-law's 50th birthday. We ate and talked but it got boring fast, so we turned the music up so everyone could jam a bit. We played a little bit of everything: Cha Cha Slide, Electric Slide, some reggae, some dance music, you name it. My 15 year old cousin and my 23 year old sister were there as well so they requested some new jams, i.e. Teach Me How to Dougie, and the likes.

Now, they say you learn something new everyday and this night didn't fall short of that. I was told that the new style of dancing among youngsters these days is similar to that of booty shaking done in strip clubs. Yes, you read that right, I couldn't believe it myself. Apparently the Adult Entertainment World has an influence on our youth; well, it was just a matter of time.

So, my sister decided to do a demonstration of this which fascinated one of my Aunts and the mother of my Aunt's friend, so we're talking about a 40+ year old and a 60+ year old grandmother. According to Grandma, she had to learn this because she had to keep up. Huh? Keep up with who? (Side Eye) Ok, no judgment from me. So, the 'trick' to doing this is to shake your thighs to get your posterior moving in a clapping motion. My aunt doing this just looked awkward. Grandma doing this resembled an elder person with a cane struggling to get up some stairs, nothing but trembling legs. It was hilarious, I couldn't control my laughter. I think some things are just better left alone, but it does show how much influence the youth of today have on elders, go figure!

Wordless Wednesday!!

Ocho Rios, Jamaica

Second Opinion??

I've been having conflicted thoughts lately. I'm not so sure anymore that we should just settle for the notion that IVF is our best/only chance for getting pregnant. It's a costly procedure that will take a long time for us to be able to afford, so I think it's worth it to get a second opinion.

As the baby-less days and months pass by, I fear that they will turn into years. I feel this void inside of me that I know only a child of our own can fill. My yearning for a child continues to grow exponentially, and I feel hopeless just sitting around waiting. I pray and wait anxiously for the day when I will hear a tiny mouth calling me Mom.

So, I refuse to just sit around and not try every option out there that's possible at the moment. So I'll be calling ERC first thing tomorrow to schedule a consultation. I'm just praying of a miracle.

Five Question Friday......

Happy Friday All,

Here are my answers to this week's questions from http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/ :

1. If you knew your best friend's spouse was cheating on her or him, would you tell her (him)?

Definitely! That's my best friend, and I have no obligation to their spouse. I would def want them to tell me. However, I wouldn't tell them with any expectations, or make any suggestions esp. about separation. I would tell them, let them process the info, and then they can determine if they want my advice or not.

2. Soda in a can or a bottle?

Bottle, I hate drinking out of a can.

3. What do you wash first, hair or body?

Hair first. If I wash my body first, then all the grease and dirt from my hair would just make my body feel dirty again.

4. What advice would you give to any new mama?

I have no experience with kids, so I'm the last person who should ever give advice on raising a child. But, I would def tell them to cherish that life they've been blessed with, because many aren't so fortunate.

5. What is your best hangover remedy?

Not a big drinker so I don't have any good remedies.

Thankful Thursday!! ( a little late)

Today I'm thankful for Pain Killers.

I had the second half of my root canal done today and it was not fun. They were working on that tooth for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually an hour and a half. I was all too happy to leave that place, but of course, I feared the pain that would follow once the Novocaine wore off.

I decided not to take the Hydrocodone like I did the last time because it had me so nauseous that I couldn't function and had to resort to sleeping. So I took 1000mg of extra strength Tylenol and it seems to be doing a good job so far.

Now the trick is to stay ahead of the pain.....

Uncompensated Digital Commodities

I was reading some comic strips this morning and came across this. It made me laugh because this is exactly what I do with Drake. I have tons of pictures of him on my phone. When I take pix of him sleeping, he gives me that look as if to say, 'Really, are you serious with this right now? I'm trying to sleep.'

If this is any indication of how it's gonna be if/when we're blessed with children, then they're in big trouble. It'll be camera phones, high tech cameras, and video cameras. Lord help 'em.

Five Question Friday (late)

This was adopted from http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com

1. Do you think cursive writing is overrated? (Schools in Indiana have now voted to take teaching cursive writing out of their curriculum.)

I don't think it's overrated per se. However, with this age of technology, the use of cursive writing is no longer necessary, useful, but not necessary. 

2. Do you still use a pocket calendar or notepad or do you keep your info on your smart phone?

Much easier to keep the info on my smart phone. That way I get alerts and reminders.

3. What 3 things would you save if your house was burning down? (family & pets are already safe)

My laptop, smartphone, and the safety box with passports and other important docs.

4. Country Mouse or City Mouse, err Person?

Hmmm, Country Mouse, I'm pretty reserved.

5. If you could pick ANY reality show to go on, which would you pick?

The Amazing Race. Hubby and I have talked about this a couple times.

Wordless Wednesday

Negril, Jamaica

Tuesday Madness!!

In celebration of the 4th yesterday, I didn't do a Monday Madness post. But I think today warrants a madness post.

Today, Casey Anthony was found not guilty on all charges except 4 counts of perjury, which will more than likely be satisfied with time already spent. WTH! Mr. M thinks the prosecutors went too hard. They were so hell bent on seeking the death penalty, but the evidence was lacking. The prosecutors failed to present a cause of death. Defense attorneys maintained that the child drowned in a pool and that Anthony and her father panicked and covered up the death. Why would you try to cover up the accidental drowning of your child? Why did it take you 31 days to go to the police about it? How can you, after finding your child dead, not be remorseful but choose to go out partying instead? Do you really expect people to believe that this was your way of dealing with it?  I honestly can't believe the jury bought this.

But I guess the decision had to be based on evidence, and it just fell short. In some cases, our justice system works, but in far too many it fails. We have mothers who lie to send their kids to a better school outside their district going to jail for 3 years, but she only gets charged for perjury. Come on now!!

Madness!!!!

Happy Fourth of July!!!!

I've been in this country for half my life now, so I can't help but be a little patriotic around Independence Day. Every year, thousands of immigrants flock to the US in hopes of making a better life for themselves and their family, and to live the American dream. America has truly become a melting pot.

I hope you all enjoy the 4th of July sales, the heat, the BBQs, and the fireworks. HAPPY 4TH!!!!!

Is the Universe Waging War Against Me??

My Aunt's ex-husband sent me a text message today saying that his new wife's daughter is pregnant and he needs my help planning a baby shower for her because they don't know a lot of people here.


I sat there looking at the text dumbfounded for a good 2 minutes.


I didn't respond to the text, $hit, I didn't know how to respond to it. I seriously think the universe is messing with me.


16 year old cousin pregnant: 1 point Universe; 0 point Me
Sister is pregnant but wants to do an abortion: 1 pt Universe; 0 point Me
This damn text today: aahh, you get the point.


Plus, every time I go on FB I see somebody else who just got married already knocked up. Even a bi-sexual girl that I went to school with is KU, $hit, she's not even around dick 100% of the time and she's KU.


-Vent Over.

Wednesday Watch List

My watch list this week is simple, TRANSFORMERS!!! This movie is highly anticipated, by us at least. Mr. M and I grew up watching the Transformers cartoon, and in our opinion, the movies have not disappointed. Transformers 3 or rather Transformers: Dark of the Moon opens today. The old cast is back, minus Megan Fox, and a few new faces can also be seen, namely Patrick Dempsey. Megan Fox is replaced by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, a Victoria Secret model. I wonder how she will do in her debut as an actress, hmmm. All I know is that she better come correct, lol. No, I'm serious. Anyway, I can't wait to see it and yes, I'm far too scared to go out there in that premiere crowd, so I'll wait until the weekend to go see it. Hope you all enjoy it.

'With the All Spark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We are waiting'.

-Optimus Prime



Turntable Tuesday {{Alanis Morisette}}

Ok, I know this album is old, but it's undeniably a great album. Three words: Jagged Little Pill. I can honestly say that on any given day I can pop this CD in and start jamming. If this isn't a part of your collection, then you've been sleeping on a really good album. I'd also recommend making 'Alanis Morissette' one of your stations on Pandora, and if you're not using Pandora, then you are seriously missing out.


Here are a few of my fave lines:


~Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity, I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner. It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced, are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

-You Oughta Know

~Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right. And life has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face.

-Ironic

~You live you learn; you love you learn; you cry you learn; you lose you learn; you bleed you learn; you scream you learn.

-You Learn

Here's a video for your viewing pleasure:



Monday Madness!!

So, last week in my Monday Madness I mentioned that my sister was pregnant. Once again, her pregnancy will be the focus of my Monday madness.

I guess my sister has been having some serious morning, no scratch that, all day, sickness from the pregnancy and isn't really able to keep anything down. So she boldly told my mother yesterday that she doesn't think she can go through with the pregnancy because the symptoms are too much, and she and her boyfriend spoke about it and they're thinking of doing an abortion.

Ehh?? Abor-what??

When I think of myself and all the women struggling with infertility, who have been trying for years, and/or have tried countless treatments and still aren't able to get pregnant, this really hurts my heart. We would gladly accept morning, or all day, sickness with no hesitation.

How can you sit there and say you want to do an abortion because pregnancy symptoms are too much? How is it that you can do an ultrasound, get annoyingly excited about seeing the heartbeat, and then say a few days later that you don't want that anymore? Madness!!!!

Friday Fashion Fix

Denim, Denim, and more Denim.....

Enjoy!!!

Thankful Thursday

Today I’m thankful for Freedom. The freedom to go to the grocery store, the freedom to visit family, the freedom to just go see a movie.

A family member of mine had been in jail for about 6 months awaiting sentencing for  trafficking. Yesterday he was given 37 months, with a chance of that time reducing to 25 months for good behavior. So at the very least he’s looking at another 19 months locked away, confined. I can’t begin to fathom that feeling, that feeling of being restricted and not being able to go and come as I please. Not being able to see my family or friends when I wanted to or to simply pick up the phone at anytime to just say ‘Hey’. I think I’d probably go insane.

I guess in life we have to be conscious of the decisions we make, because a wrong move could stifle this very thing we call life. So today I implore you to take a minute to think about this ‘basic’ right, and how different your life would be if it were taken away.



What are you thankful for?

Wednesday Watch List (Late, sorry!!)

There are a couple things that I need for the house. Our vacuum is pretty much busted, but, we've had it since 2006 so I'd say it has done it's job. So here's what I want as a replacement.

Dyson DC25 Animal Upright



We seriously need to paint. We've been in this house for almost 3 years and the only rooms painted are the office and the guest bathroom. So that's the next thing on my list, paint, paint, and more paint.

Turntable Tuesday {{Bob Marley}}

How could I not do a turntable on the Legendary Bob Marley? After all, I am Jamaican so it's only right. When someone mentions Jamaica you think of two things, Weed and Bob Marley. Just kidding about the weed (well kind of, you know some of you believe in that stereotype ) Bob Marley is an international icon, undoubtedly. Whenever I go to a spot with a live band, I always hear them playing at least one of his songs.


Bob sang about peace, love, political repression, spirituality, struggles in life and overcoming those hardships, among many other things. He was a man of wisdom and that was clearly exuded in his music. From One Love to Get Up Stand Up to Waiting in Vain, all his songs resonate positivity.

So, let's take a moment to remember Mr. Robert Nesta Marley, aka Bob Marley, and start Jamming to some of his tunes.

Here's a video of him performing 'No Woman No Cry', circa 1979....

Monday Madness!!!

This past weekend I found out that my 16 year old cousin who I thought was about 6 months pregnant (her mother supposedly found out about it a month ago) is actually about 8 months pregnant. I found out at my sister's graduation so I didn't have time to really process the information, but I've had some time to think about it today. So my question is this, how the hell do you hide a pregnancy for 7 freaking months? Are you kidding me? I'm not a very judgmental person, but that makes me question my aunt's parenting. Well, several other things have made me question that in the past anyway (like allowing her to get a tattoo for her 16th birthday) so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. But how could you be so clueless? You guys live in a two bedroom house, not a mansion. It's not like you don't see each other everyday. I just can't understand it.


And to add to today's madness, my sister went into the ER earlier today because she had been throwing up all night and into the morning and was worried that her colitis might be coming back. But, it's definitely not that. My mom called this afternoon to tell me that the fish she had been dreaming about was for my sister (Jamaican superstition that when you dream about fish then someone close to you is pregnant) Apparently her period was late but several HPTs came back negative. So she's about 6 weeks pregnant. This was just another kick from IF when I was already at a serious low.


F U Infertility!!!

Acupuncture??

I've been thinking about taking a more holistic approach to conception for about 3mths while we figure out our funding for IVF. So I want to try acupuncture, herbs and all. The Center recommends it, and a few girls from The Bump have done it with and without treatment. I figure it won't hurt to try it. Nothing else has worked so far, so I want to try a different approach.


These are some of the ways The Center has noted that acupuncture may help enhance fertility:

• Increases rates of pregnancy and live births
• Regulate menstrual cycles
• Regulate hormones to help produce a larger number of follicles during IVF stimulation
• Increase blood flow to the reproductive organs and increase the thickness of the uterine lining
• Improve sperm quality and quantity
• Help to relieve the side effects of drugs commonly used during IUI and IVF treatment
• Reduce stress, anxiety and depression, and promote deep relaxation
• Strengthen the immune system
• Reduce risk of early miscarriage
• Help to prevent uterine contractions after embryo transfer

Now, I know this doesn't work for everybody, but there are success stories out there, so I'm willing to give it a whirl.

Friday Fashion Fix

I'm all about Maxi-Dresses right now. Since I'm a few pounds overweight, it's the easiest thing for me to throw on and go. Here are a few of my faves.




Winter Kate Harlequin Halter Maxi Dress

 


VS Ruffled Maxi Dress




VS Halter Maxi Bra Top Dress







IVF, My New Reality

I guess I have no choice but to face reality right now, and that reality is that IVF is our best, if not only, option to get pregnant. Acceptance is the first step, right? So now the research begins. We have to find out what options we have for financing. I've asked the ladies from 3T on The Bump to share their means of paying for IVF. The following were mentioned:

• Medical Credit Cards
• Regular Credit Cards
• Help from Parents
• Savings
• Money put in FSA
• Home Equity Loans
• Personal Loans
• Partial Insurance Coverage

Some of these aren't available to us, but it's good to know what our options are.


My Bump Buddy Punkymama suggested this book to give us some insight on how we can come up with the necessary funds:

Budgeting for Infertility: How to Bring Home a Baby Without Breaking the Bank - written by two women who have both traveled the infertility path. Evelina Sterling and Angie Best-Boss have been there, and know how to pay for infertility treatments and still make ends meet. Sterling and Best-Boss want you to "understand the nuts and bolts of financing your family building." The book contains details about how infertility clinics work, how you can save money on each component, and how to maximize your insurance benefits (even if you have no infertility coverage), and is worth taking time to read.

Update From Post-Op

Today I met with Dr. K for my post-op appt. He did a quick examination of my uterus and assured me that everything looked ok. Unfortunately, that was the only good news he had to give me.


He explained to me that when he did the surgery, he was not able to see the opening to my tubes. In his words, when each of us are being formed in our mother's tummy, we're all shaped a little different. The normal uterus has a pear shape, but your uterus is more oval, which is abnormal. The uterus and the fallopian tubes are a connected unit, and we're just not able to see that with yours. Given your history, and the fact that the HSG showed open tubes, and the fact that we've tried IUI twice and both failed, I think your best option at this point is IVF.


Huh? I had the 'what you talking 'bout Willis' look on my face. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was thinking our next step would be Femera + IUI, and he would say that we have a great chance of this working. Instead I heard the dreaded IVF.


At that moment I couldn't fight the tears any longer. I asked him if we could try another IUI, and he said we could if we wanted to, but the chances of success were pretty slim. I bawled my eyes out when he left the room, I just couldn't control myself. I think I scared Mr. M a little because he's never seen me cry that hard.


Even though IVF is stressful on the body, I would not hesitate to go this route, except that we don't have the money to pay for it. Based on the breakdown from the IVF packet, the process could cost as little as $14,500 and as much as $17,500 for 1 cycle. Yikes!!


I'm hoping and praying that we'll find a way to pay for this. In the meantime, we'll be trying naturally and praying for a miracle.