Is the Universe Waging War Against Me??

My Aunt's ex-husband sent me a text message today saying that his new wife's daughter is pregnant and he needs my help planning a baby shower for her because they don't know a lot of people here.


I sat there looking at the text dumbfounded for a good 2 minutes.


I didn't respond to the text, $hit, I didn't know how to respond to it. I seriously think the universe is messing with me.


16 year old cousin pregnant: 1 point Universe; 0 point Me
Sister is pregnant but wants to do an abortion: 1 pt Universe; 0 point Me
This damn text today: aahh, you get the point.


Plus, every time I go on FB I see somebody else who just got married already knocked up. Even a bi-sexual girl that I went to school with is KU, $hit, she's not even around dick 100% of the time and she's KU.


-Vent Over.

Wednesday Watch List

My watch list this week is simple, TRANSFORMERS!!! This movie is highly anticipated, by us at least. Mr. M and I grew up watching the Transformers cartoon, and in our opinion, the movies have not disappointed. Transformers 3 or rather Transformers: Dark of the Moon opens today. The old cast is back, minus Megan Fox, and a few new faces can also be seen, namely Patrick Dempsey. Megan Fox is replaced by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, a Victoria Secret model. I wonder how she will do in her debut as an actress, hmmm. All I know is that she better come correct, lol. No, I'm serious. Anyway, I can't wait to see it and yes, I'm far too scared to go out there in that premiere crowd, so I'll wait until the weekend to go see it. Hope you all enjoy it.

'With the All Spark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We are waiting'.

-Optimus Prime



Turntable Tuesday {{Alanis Morisette}}

Ok, I know this album is old, but it's undeniably a great album. Three words: Jagged Little Pill. I can honestly say that on any given day I can pop this CD in and start jamming. If this isn't a part of your collection, then you've been sleeping on a really good album. I'd also recommend making 'Alanis Morissette' one of your stations on Pandora, and if you're not using Pandora, then you are seriously missing out.


Here are a few of my fave lines:


~Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity, I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner. It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced, are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

-You Oughta Know

~Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right. And life has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face.

-Ironic

~You live you learn; you love you learn; you cry you learn; you lose you learn; you bleed you learn; you scream you learn.

-You Learn

Here's a video for your viewing pleasure:



Monday Madness!!

So, last week in my Monday Madness I mentioned that my sister was pregnant. Once again, her pregnancy will be the focus of my Monday madness.

I guess my sister has been having some serious morning, no scratch that, all day, sickness from the pregnancy and isn't really able to keep anything down. So she boldly told my mother yesterday that she doesn't think she can go through with the pregnancy because the symptoms are too much, and she and her boyfriend spoke about it and they're thinking of doing an abortion.

Ehh?? Abor-what??

When I think of myself and all the women struggling with infertility, who have been trying for years, and/or have tried countless treatments and still aren't able to get pregnant, this really hurts my heart. We would gladly accept morning, or all day, sickness with no hesitation.

How can you sit there and say you want to do an abortion because pregnancy symptoms are too much? How is it that you can do an ultrasound, get annoyingly excited about seeing the heartbeat, and then say a few days later that you don't want that anymore? Madness!!!!

Friday Fashion Fix

Denim, Denim, and more Denim.....

Enjoy!!!

Thankful Thursday

Today I’m thankful for Freedom. The freedom to go to the grocery store, the freedom to visit family, the freedom to just go see a movie.

A family member of mine had been in jail for about 6 months awaiting sentencing for  trafficking. Yesterday he was given 37 months, with a chance of that time reducing to 25 months for good behavior. So at the very least he’s looking at another 19 months locked away, confined. I can’t begin to fathom that feeling, that feeling of being restricted and not being able to go and come as I please. Not being able to see my family or friends when I wanted to or to simply pick up the phone at anytime to just say ‘Hey’. I think I’d probably go insane.

I guess in life we have to be conscious of the decisions we make, because a wrong move could stifle this very thing we call life. So today I implore you to take a minute to think about this ‘basic’ right, and how different your life would be if it were taken away.



What are you thankful for?

Wednesday Watch List (Late, sorry!!)

There are a couple things that I need for the house. Our vacuum is pretty much busted, but, we've had it since 2006 so I'd say it has done it's job. So here's what I want as a replacement.

Dyson DC25 Animal Upright



We seriously need to paint. We've been in this house for almost 3 years and the only rooms painted are the office and the guest bathroom. So that's the next thing on my list, paint, paint, and more paint.

Turntable Tuesday {{Bob Marley}}

How could I not do a turntable on the Legendary Bob Marley? After all, I am Jamaican so it's only right. When someone mentions Jamaica you think of two things, Weed and Bob Marley. Just kidding about the weed (well kind of, you know some of you believe in that stereotype ) Bob Marley is an international icon, undoubtedly. Whenever I go to a spot with a live band, I always hear them playing at least one of his songs.


Bob sang about peace, love, political repression, spirituality, struggles in life and overcoming those hardships, among many other things. He was a man of wisdom and that was clearly exuded in his music. From One Love to Get Up Stand Up to Waiting in Vain, all his songs resonate positivity.

So, let's take a moment to remember Mr. Robert Nesta Marley, aka Bob Marley, and start Jamming to some of his tunes.

Here's a video of him performing 'No Woman No Cry', circa 1979....

Monday Madness!!!

This past weekend I found out that my 16 year old cousin who I thought was about 6 months pregnant (her mother supposedly found out about it a month ago) is actually about 8 months pregnant. I found out at my sister's graduation so I didn't have time to really process the information, but I've had some time to think about it today. So my question is this, how the hell do you hide a pregnancy for 7 freaking months? Are you kidding me? I'm not a very judgmental person, but that makes me question my aunt's parenting. Well, several other things have made me question that in the past anyway (like allowing her to get a tattoo for her 16th birthday) so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. But how could you be so clueless? You guys live in a two bedroom house, not a mansion. It's not like you don't see each other everyday. I just can't understand it.


And to add to today's madness, my sister went into the ER earlier today because she had been throwing up all night and into the morning and was worried that her colitis might be coming back. But, it's definitely not that. My mom called this afternoon to tell me that the fish she had been dreaming about was for my sister (Jamaican superstition that when you dream about fish then someone close to you is pregnant) Apparently her period was late but several HPTs came back negative. So she's about 6 weeks pregnant. This was just another kick from IF when I was already at a serious low.


F U Infertility!!!

Acupuncture??

I've been thinking about taking a more holistic approach to conception for about 3mths while we figure out our funding for IVF. So I want to try acupuncture, herbs and all. The Center recommends it, and a few girls from The Bump have done it with and without treatment. I figure it won't hurt to try it. Nothing else has worked so far, so I want to try a different approach.


These are some of the ways The Center has noted that acupuncture may help enhance fertility:

• Increases rates of pregnancy and live births
• Regulate menstrual cycles
• Regulate hormones to help produce a larger number of follicles during IVF stimulation
• Increase blood flow to the reproductive organs and increase the thickness of the uterine lining
• Improve sperm quality and quantity
• Help to relieve the side effects of drugs commonly used during IUI and IVF treatment
• Reduce stress, anxiety and depression, and promote deep relaxation
• Strengthen the immune system
• Reduce risk of early miscarriage
• Help to prevent uterine contractions after embryo transfer

Now, I know this doesn't work for everybody, but there are success stories out there, so I'm willing to give it a whirl.

Friday Fashion Fix

I'm all about Maxi-Dresses right now. Since I'm a few pounds overweight, it's the easiest thing for me to throw on and go. Here are a few of my faves.




Winter Kate Harlequin Halter Maxi Dress

 


VS Ruffled Maxi Dress




VS Halter Maxi Bra Top Dress







IVF, My New Reality

I guess I have no choice but to face reality right now, and that reality is that IVF is our best, if not only, option to get pregnant. Acceptance is the first step, right? So now the research begins. We have to find out what options we have for financing. I've asked the ladies from 3T on The Bump to share their means of paying for IVF. The following were mentioned:

• Medical Credit Cards
• Regular Credit Cards
• Help from Parents
• Savings
• Money put in FSA
• Home Equity Loans
• Personal Loans
• Partial Insurance Coverage

Some of these aren't available to us, but it's good to know what our options are.


My Bump Buddy Punkymama suggested this book to give us some insight on how we can come up with the necessary funds:

Budgeting for Infertility: How to Bring Home a Baby Without Breaking the Bank - written by two women who have both traveled the infertility path. Evelina Sterling and Angie Best-Boss have been there, and know how to pay for infertility treatments and still make ends meet. Sterling and Best-Boss want you to "understand the nuts and bolts of financing your family building." The book contains details about how infertility clinics work, how you can save money on each component, and how to maximize your insurance benefits (even if you have no infertility coverage), and is worth taking time to read.

Update From Post-Op

Today I met with Dr. K for my post-op appt. He did a quick examination of my uterus and assured me that everything looked ok. Unfortunately, that was the only good news he had to give me.


He explained to me that when he did the surgery, he was not able to see the opening to my tubes. In his words, when each of us are being formed in our mother's tummy, we're all shaped a little different. The normal uterus has a pear shape, but your uterus is more oval, which is abnormal. The uterus and the fallopian tubes are a connected unit, and we're just not able to see that with yours. Given your history, and the fact that the HSG showed open tubes, and the fact that we've tried IUI twice and both failed, I think your best option at this point is IVF.


Huh? I had the 'what you talking 'bout Willis' look on my face. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was thinking our next step would be Femera + IUI, and he would say that we have a great chance of this working. Instead I heard the dreaded IVF.


At that moment I couldn't fight the tears any longer. I asked him if we could try another IUI, and he said we could if we wanted to, but the chances of success were pretty slim. I bawled my eyes out when he left the room, I just couldn't control myself. I think I scared Mr. M a little because he's never seen me cry that hard.


Even though IVF is stressful on the body, I would not hesitate to go this route, except that we don't have the money to pay for it. Based on the breakdown from the IVF packet, the process could cost as little as $14,500 and as much as $17,500 for 1 cycle. Yikes!!


I'm hoping and praying that we'll find a way to pay for this. In the meantime, we'll be trying naturally and praying for a miracle.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for a supportive husband.


I had my post-op today and it didn't go so well. Luckily I had Mr. M there to console me through the bad news and the bawling. He was able to quickly take me off the 'pity train' and onto the 'let's do it train'. About 15 mins after we left the RE's office, I was already reading through the IVF packet and was on the phone calling the IVF financial coordinator.


Thank you for being my strength in these difficult times Mr. M. xoxo


What are you thankful for?

Wednesday Watch List

This evening after work, I made a quick stop at Publix to get cupcakes for Drake's birthday. I was a little skeptic about stopping since there were some serious dark clouds in the sky and the weather report predicted a 60% chance of rain. I figured I could just run in real quick, grab the items, and be back in the car before it started raining. As I was swiping my card at check-out, I heard a loud, frightening thunderclap. Upon exiting the store, I was faced with pouring rain. I could do nothing but roll up the foot of my pants and make a dash for the car. In that moment I thought about a couple things that would have really come in handy. So I'm thinking maybe I should go out and get these items.

Bubble Umbrella




Rain Boots

 
And since at that moment it would have been nice to have sunshine instead of that heavy rain, I figured this gorgeous bottle of yellow nail polish from O.P.I., Need Sunglasses, could bring a bit of sunshine to the dark, wet weather.



O.P.I Need Sunglasses?



Happy Birthday Drake!!!!!

Today is my furbaby's 2nd birthday, I guess that's 14 in dog years. I'm so excited. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRAKEY, Mommy loves you!!!

Turntable Tuesday {{Miguel}}

Today's artist is Miguel and his debut album 'All I Want Is You'. I've had this album now in heavy rotation for about a month. Sure Thing, the first track on the album, is the current hit. But I must say that the entire album is good. From Pay Me (...ahm, do you take check) to Vixen (..my bed will be your stage), this album is a must for your collection. Check it out, you won't be disappointed.


Watch the video for Sure Thing below.



  

Track list

1	“Sure Thing”
2	“All I Want Is You” feat. J. Cole
3	“Girl With the Tattoo Enter.lewd”
4	“Pay Me”
5	“Quickie”
6	“Girls Like You”
7	“Overload Enter.lewd”
8	“Hard Way”
9	“Teach Me”
10	“Hero”
11	“Vixen”
12	“To the Moon”
13	“My Piece”

Where We Are In Our Journey

Mr. M and I got married in April, 2006. We have not used any form of contraception since then. We have been actively trying (charting, temping, etc.) to conceive since January, 2009. In January, 2010 I did a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) which showed clear tubes. Mr. M had a Semen Analysis (SA) done that year which showed super sperms swimming like sharks, well, that was his interpretation of the results given by his doctor.


We still were unsuccessful in conceiving for another year plus, so we were referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (R.E.) in August, 2010. We met with the RE (Dr. K) in September, 2010 and he recommended Clomid plus IUI. We made the decision to go ahead with the IUI and made plans to do our first cycle in October, 2010. Unfortunately, Mr. M lost his brother at the end of September so we decided to postpone everything.


In February, 2011, we decided to pick up where we left off and move forward with the IUI. We had two unsuccessful IUIs. In May, Dr. K recommended a Hysteroscopy to get a closer look at my lining. The HS showed that I had uterine polyps and the openings to my tubes were not visible. I was not happy with these results at all. Dr. K said if the tubes were blocked then IVF would be our best option, but that he would know more when he went in to remove the polyps.


I had surgery on the 8th to remove the polyps, and according to Dr. K that was done successfully. Mr. M asked him about the tubes and he said that he was still unable to see the openings. However, Mr. M said he was nonchalant about it and said that sometimes you just can't see the openings. Huh? Really? In my mind, either they're blocked or not. Mr. M thinks that I should do another HSG to get confirmation about whether or not they're blocked. I think that's a good idea.


Post-op is this upcoming Thursday so I'm on pins and needles to find out what Dr. K's plan is for us.

Hello!!!

So I finally decided to start a blog. This will be a learning experience for me, especially since I'm not very tech savvy. But, I will do my best to make this spot an inviting one. My intention is not for this to become a 'woe-is-me' fest, but there will be those days.


I came up with a few ideas to bring some fun to the blog. The plan is to have a post each weekday with a play on words. Here's what I came up with: Monday Madness, Turntable Tuesdays, Wednesday Watch List, Thankful Thursdays, and Friday Fashion Fix. I've decided to leave the weekends open.


I hope this will be a good outlet for me as I go through this journey of life and infertility, and I hope that in the process others can learn from my experiences.


Welcome!