Damn Prometrium!!!

I’ve caved. *hangs head in shame*

I think Prometrium is the devil in a bottle because it’s giving me all these side effects that mimic pregnancy symptoms and it’s getting to me. You know, the abdominal cramping, headache, super sore boobs, moodiness, fatigue. Arghh!!! Then I made the big mistake of googling and lurking on The Bump’s 1st Trimester board. What is wrong with me? Now I’m itching to go buy a pregnancy test. I’m 12dpIUI, and according to some of those girls, they got a BFP at 10dpo.

Now I’m scared that it’ll be negative and I’ll be bummed for the rest of the day. I hate IF!

Where I Wanna Be Wednesday......

Bora, Bora Tahiti

Cruising Along!

9dpIUI, and it went by pretty fast. I must say that I’ve done good so far in this 2ww. I haven’t picked out any baby names, browsed any baby sites, or bought any baby items. Well, I did buy a cute little tiger for little Sebastian (my sister’s unborn) who should be gracing us with his presence in a couple weeks. Speaking of which, I still have to finish up his nursery. Yeah, I’m the one in the family with the decorative gene, well, I did kind of get it from my mom. I’ll post a pix once it’s done. Mr. M is actually surprised that I’ve been able to host her baby shower and decorate the baby’s room. I’m just pushing myself to be strong through her pregnancy.

My sister asked me a while back to be in the delivery room with her, and I was a bit hesitant at first. I already know that’s going to be a tough day for me. I asked the Ladies from ‘The Bump’ what they would do in that situation, and most said that it’s a special moment that they would not miss. Others felt similar to how I felt, and said they would opt out. But at the end of the day, if I’m not there, she will never forgive me for that. So I’ve decided to swallow that hard pill and be there. I might have to excuse myself a couple times and I’m sure there will be some tears, but I’m stronger than IF, so I won’t let it rob me of that moment.

I haven’t really felt any different from the day I did the IUI. No strange pains or anything. I little bit of twitching here and there, and the regular sore boobs, but nothing that would stand out to say, hey, that feels like implantation or something. Makes me wonder if anything’s even moving or working in there. I know it’s early, but I somewhat expected to feel a little different. No change to me means expect AF. But, I’m still hoping and praying that this is it for us.

Hopefully this week goes by quickly and I don’t lose it in the last few days.

IUI #3

See, this is the reason why I don’t make resolutions for the new year. I’m already not meeting any of the goals I’ve set for this year. *sigh*

Let me start by saying, Happy New Year! I hope the new year has been good to everyone so far. I rang in the new year surrounded by babies and toddlers running around. If that isn’t a good sign about 2012 being my year to get KU, then I don’t know what is. But I digress.

So, IUI#3 is done! This cycle was coupled with 5 days of Clomid at 50mg and 1 day of Menopur injection at 75IU. I took Clomid on CD4 thru CD8,  and did the Menopur shot on CD9. The Menopur shot did sting a bit for a while, but it wasn’t anything unbearable. I’m just glad that I only had to do that for one night, because I quickly realized that I was a wuss and couldn’t give myself the shot, so I had to call in Mr. M to help me out. I definitely couldn't be a junkie.

Went in for monitoring on CD12. The tech who did the ultrasound kept rotating that damn dildo cam like it was a toy. She said that since it was my first time doing an U/S with them, she had to get all angles for my record. And she proceeded to tell me that I had a fibroid which would explain why I was feeling pain. I’m not sure how this is possible since I just had surgery in November and there was no mention of this. Plus, I highly doubt that a fibroid could have grown in that short a time where it would already be visible. When the nurse called me back with the measurements they mentioned nothing about fibroids, so I’ll just ignore that tidbit. Anyhoo, the left ovary showed two follicles measuring 14mm and 8mm; right side showed three follies measuring 7mm, 12mm, and 15mm. I thought those were not yet mature, but I was told to trigger that night at 10pm. Apparently they consider the 14mm and 15mm follies mature.

Triggered that night with Ovidrel, which wasn’t too bad, but once again I couldn’t give myself the shot.

We went in at 8:30am Saturday morning so that Mr. M could give his sample. Went downstairs to the hospital cafeteria and had breakfast, which was actually cheap and pretty good, and then went back at 10am for the transfer. For some reason this hurt like crazy. I didn’t feel a thing with my first IUI. With the second one, I could actually feel the catheter, but nothing painful. With this one, I was hurting from the moment she positioned the speculum. And I cried out in pain when she inserted the catheter. I have no idea why this happened. I was cramping the entire day. I laid there for about 10 minutes, got dressed, went home, and slept for a couple hours.

So, here we are at 2 days past IUI (2dpIUI). I am to start using the Prometrium (progesterone supplements) tomorrow. This will hopefully help to thicken my lining for implantation. My instruction is to insert 1 capsule three times daily. I can already foresee that getting very messy, so I’ve stocked up on liners. And I’m also not too thrilled about having to do one in the middle of the day while I’m at work, but, I have to do what it takes. I don’t think any part of this process is fun.

Goodbye 2011......On To The Next!

Whew, this year went by so fast! I still can't believe it's almost over. So much has happened this year, a lot of needles, a lot of tests, many doctor visits, a lot of dildo cams, being under anesthesia twice, all that and nothing to show for it except bills. But I remain steadfast in my quest to motherhood and will continue to stand firm in my faith.

So, there's a new year ahead of us. In an effort to not jinx myself by saying that I'm making a few 'resolutions' for the new year (because we all know that we rarely stick to those), I have a few 'goals' for the new year:

1. Exercise, exercise, exercise.....when has this ever not been number one on the list. Seriously though, I'm a few pounds overweight so I need to do something, esp. if by some miracle I am to get pregnant this year.

2. Be more active in my blogging....in my defense, this was my first time trying the blogging thing, but I do agree that it did kind of suck a bit. I'm sure it was all over the place, which is pretty much how it will probably continue to be, just with a bit more reporting on happenings. I've got different things going on, so I think it's good to touch on everything vs. having a niche, even though I think that's how you're supposed to do this thing. But hey, my blog, my rules! Moving on......

3. Work on decorating the house.....we've been here for a little over three years now and there's still so much to do: painting, ripping out that ugly linoleum and tiling the kitchen, you name it. So, I'm gonna battle that this year.

4. Organize, organize, organize....everything! I think I'm going on an all out war with clutter this year, I want to organize every cupboard, closet, drawer, you name it. I've found a few inspirational sites this year and I'm def gonna put those to use in 2012.

5. Cook and bake more....I think I did pretty good with this this year, compared to what I've ever done in the past. But I want to try even more recipes, and hopefully I'll be able to share some here.

6. Date night....Mr. M and I had a few of these this year, but not nearly enough. So, I want to make it a priority that this happens at least twice a month.

7. Get my butt to work by 9:30am....that 10-10:30am thing that I was doing this year is not good. Shoot, by that time many others are already almost halfway through their day. So, this is my aim and I sure plan to stick to it.

8. Be a better god-mother....Lord knows I've been a terrible one thus far, and she's a good kid. So, I'm gonna make an effort to be more involved in her life.

I'm sure I'll add to this list as time goes on, but I also don't want to make it too long and unrealistic and not reach those goals, so I guess we'll go see how 2012 goes.

In the famous words of Jim Jones- 'Pop Champagne', and to all........

…. Happy New Year

 Oh, and don't drink and drive! See you in 2012 :)

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

I don’t know what it is about this show, but I have to admit that it’s one of my guilty pleasures. I don’t know if it’s because it’s produced in my city, or if it’s because it’s centered on black women, but I love it. Mr. M refuses to watch it with me because he feels like he'll be losing brain cells. I’ve been a fan since Season 1, and I continue to be, even though the 4th season premiere episode had me thinking ‘what the hell’, and for the first time I too felt like I had lost a couple brain cells after watching it.

However, here’s my synopsis on the ‘housewives’:

Kandi: I think it’s great that you continue to do well even after Xscape. I think you’re a great mother to Riley and I think you and your Mom have a great relationship. But please don’t forget that she is still your mother, so there are boundaries. Know when to leave Mom at home. The porn industry is a multi-million dollar industry, so I think you’ll have much success with your sex toy line. Keep doing you, and continue to ‘try’ to see the good in others.

Kim: Thank God for Kroy! You needed some structure in your life. I’m glad you finally came to the realization that a relationship with a married man has no future. I’m glad your girls finally have a positive role model in their lives. Oh, and please get your wig together. I know you’re pregnant, but that doesn’t mean that you can't keep it together.

Nene:  You have confirmed for me that money and fame does change a person. You were my favorite for the past 3 Seasons, but I’ve been finding myself rolling my eyes one too many times when you’re in a scene. You are very rich! Yeah, ok. Thank God for Celebrity Apprentice. Try taking a piece of the humble pie before God takes your blessings away. I know people mature and people grow, but please don’t forget your past and where you’ve been. You weren’t always in this place, so quit turning up your nose at folks. There’s an old saying in Jamaica, ‘the humblest calf sucks the most milk’.

Phaedra: Or as they say, Phaedra ‘Highclass’ Parks. That alias is not very fitting in my opinion. Phaedra ‘Extra’ Parks is more like it. Now let me be positive for a minute, when you are in your element, I am actually a bit convinced that you’re a great lawyer. Outside of that, oh lawd! Can we say over-the-top! Just too much Phaedra! I don’t even want to revisit that circus of a baby shower you had, still *shaking my head* And please stop talking about folks and their ‘donkey booty’, and stop showing yours off. I’m sure Apollo won’t be too happy about that when he watches these episodes. And stop using the South to justify your ridiculousness. I've been here long enough to claim it, so I'm a bit offended by some of your comments.

Sheree: I must say, you've kinda grown on me. I wasn't a fan at all in the first two seasons, but I loved you last season. This season you and Nene are feuding and I'm seeing a bit of that ugly side again. You seem very bothered by the fact that you and Nene are no longer friends, and your way of trying to mask that is to do the high school thing with Phaedra, grow up! But, you're still much better than you were in the past, so I'll take it. On a more serious note, your ex-husband is a douche! Why are you still protecting this fool who won't own up to his responsibilities? I think this is the first time that we've seen you vulnerable. Take that man to court and make him pay child support, no questions.

Cynthia: I like you. You're calm and you seem like a very good friend. I was laughing at you when you had Nene sign that 'friendship contract' though. Really? But I like that you love and support your husband and love your family just as much. But please, you are 44, your family does not need to know the financial happenings in your life and they shouldn't have a vote on it. I understand that they love you and they want the best for you, but you are too grown to have them tell you what to do and what not to do with your money. Make your own decisions. Your husband may not have it all, but he's hustling, and you have to respect him for that. Oh, public speaking, not really your thing, sorry :( You're a good model though :)

This season promises to be very entertaining. I can't wait to watch again next Sunday.

Update (Long Overdue)

Finally.......Surgery In The Morning

So, after about two and a half weeks of back and forth calling to ERC, on Monday I finally got confirmed for surgery on Thursday. I had my pre-op done yesterday which was nothing short of frustrating. I got to the doctor's office at 1:30PM and did not leave the hospital until 6PM. They're just about the slowest set of people I've ever seen. I guess everything done at a hospital takes a looooong time, even if you aren't in the ER.

So surgery is confirmed for tomorrow morning at 11AM, and I'm set to arrive at 9AM. I will have a HSG done first, then an exploratory hysteroscopy, and possibly a tubal cannulation. I'm hoping that when she goes in, she'll have a clear view of everything and will be able to work some magic so that we can have some success after this.

Wish me luck!

I Start Birth Control Pills Tonight!!

I think it's so ironic that I've never taken birth control pills to prevent pregnancy in the past, but now I'm getting ready to take birth control pills so that I can get pregnant. If that isn't backwards, then I don't know what is.

CD 1 was Saturday, which was when I should have started taking the BCPs, but I had such a busy weekend planning and hosting our first Halloween party that I didn't get around to picking up the pills until today. So, I start them tonight, CD 3. I spoke to a nurse today at ERC and she said this should be fine.

I'm a little leery about taking these pills though, because I've heard so many stories about weight gain being one of the side effects. I'm already overweight and would really hate to gain any more pounds. But at this point, I will do whatever it takes to get pregnant. This will ensure that my lining is thin so that Dr. S. can take a good look at my ovaries and hopefully be able to confirm if my tubes are open.

Here goes.............

We Have A New Plan!!!!!!!!

Today we met with Dr. S at ERC. We went over my history, Mr. M's history, and our file from ACRM. She said she didn't see why we shouldn't do a couple more IUIs. She thinks that the polyps that was removed in May, may have very well prevented implantation, so moving forward with IUI is a good approach. Her only concern is that my AMH was very good, so we might have to be careful about having multiples.

I voiced my concerns about my short periods, and she suggested taking Clomid and 1 day of injectibles to help with any lining issues.

We also talked about me having a clear HSG but Dr. K not being able to see the openings to my tubes. Her thought is that my lining may have just been 'fluffy' when the hysteroscopy was done. Her method for doing those procedures is to have her patients take birth control pills to thin the lining so that a clear view of the uterus and the openings can be seen. She looked at the films from my HSG and commented that everything looked 'beautiful'.

So the new plan is as follows:

• At the beginning of my next cycle,  I will call to schedule a HSG and Hysteroscopy to be done at the same time.
• Begin taking BCP on CD1
• If my tubes are in fact blocked and if possible, they will insert a catheter to open the tubes
• Do a couple more IUIs and pray for a BFP

We're very optimistic about this new plan, and we're praying really hard that this works.

Five Question Friday!!!

1. Dream job...realistic and completely unrealistic.

My 'realistic' dream job is to be a Wedding Planner. My 'unrealistic' dream job....ahhh...President of the United States. Ok, I'm just kidding, can't really think of one.

2. Do you fart in front of your significant other?

Errr,  yeah. It's like a competition around these parts.

3. What's the furthest you've ever traveled from home? How far and where was it?

Furthest I've ever traveled from home was to the Dominican Republic for vacation.

4. How do you celebrate birthday for your kids? Family only or friends? ... Alternate for those without kiddos: How did you celebrate birthdays as a kid?

I didn't really have many birthday parties as a kid. It was pretty much like any other day, except for the birthday gifts I received.

5. Fave thing about fall?

I love the cool weather and the beauty. There's just something about the changing of the leaves and all the colors it brings.

That's just the way I see it......The Troy Davis Case

Tomorrow marks the beginning of Fall, my favorite season. I love the coolness it brings and the beauty it exudes. But today is marked by much anger from last night’s execution of Troy Davis. I won’t speak much about it, but I will give my two cents. In my opinion, execution may have been a bit much, although for the family of Mark MacPhail, this has given them a long awaited sense of peace. But with all the 'doubt' surrounding the case, I do believe that he should have been granted another trial. 

However, I am annoyed by all the FB posts and cries about the death of an innocent man. How do we know that he was innocent? At the very least I believe that he was an accomplice, so I’m not so quick to make cries of innocence. 

In any case, another life was taken, so my heart goes out to his family. I hope he made peace before he took his last breath.

A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age; he dies of being a man. 

~Percival Arland Ussher

Moving Forward....

So, I finally made an appointment with Dr. S at the Emory Reproductive Center for a second opinion. I should have done this a while back, but I'm a huge procrastinator, plus I've just been so depressed about the whole thing. My hope is that she'll do another HSG, (the first one was done back in January, 2010), to see if it shows that my tubes are blocked. I plan to mention my short periods which I think are a result of poor/deteriorating lining. Maybe she'll prescribe supplements or she might have some other insight into why this is happening.

I really hope she comes up with a good plan for us so that we have some other option other than IVF.

October can't get here soon enough......

Wednesday Watch List!!!

Happy Hump Day!!!!!

1. Good reads on infertility

2. Customized iPhone Case from Pretty Smitten

3. LV Travel Bag





In Remembrance of 09.11.2001

Today is my Mother's birthday, which should be a day of love, laughter, and happiness. But it's hard to feel complete happiness on a day like this when one of the most tragic occurrences in the world took place 10 years ago on this date.

I was 19 and on my way to class when I saw the crowd gathered around watching in awe. As soon as I realized what was taking place a stillness overcame me. Then we saw the second plane hit. We could almost feel the chaos, the panic, and the terror. We were terrified. That was a day that I will forever remember.

2,977 lives were lost that day, and countless others were forever changed.

I'd like to take a moment today to remember the lives lost on that tragic day, and to send thoughts and prayers to the family members and friends who are still trying to cope with their loss.

Friday Fashion Fix.....Pit-Pit-Patter

It's Raining....

IF In The News: One Sperm Donor, 150 Offspring

Cynthia Daily and her partner used a sperm donor to conceive a baby seven years ago, and they hoped that one day their son would get to know some of his half siblings — an extended family of sorts for modern times. So Ms. Daily searched a Web-based registry for other children fathered by the same donor and helped to create an online group to track them. Over the years, she watched the number of children in her son’s group grow. And grow. Today there are 150 children, all conceived with sperm from one donor, in this group of half siblings, and more are on the way. The New York Times

Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. I know a few women who were diagnosed with breast cancer or cervical cancer and went through treatment. Unfortunately, they all weren't able to survive that battle. However, I'm not familiar with or know of anyone who was/has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Regardless of that fact, I still want to bring awareness to this disease because it has such a grave impact on fertility.

Facebook's attempt at bringing awareness to ovarian cancer is an epic fail in my book.  Their idea of bringing awareness is to have people change their status to say, 'I am X weeks and craving Y'. Needless to say, this has caused quite the controversy, especially among infertiles like myself. It's hard to comprehend how making a statement with the false implication of being pregnant is a positive reflection on a disease that could potentially eliminate your chances of ever conceiving a child. Big contradiction!

Now let's be serious about this disease that is estimated to claim the lives of about 15,460 women. A woman's risk of getting ovarian cancer during her lifetime is about 1 in 71. Almost 46% of women have a 5-year survival rate. Of course, many people live longer than 5 years (and many are cured).

Some of the risk factors include using the fertility drug Clomid for longer than one year; having a family history of the disease where your mother, sister, or daughter has (or has had) this cancer; having a personal history of breast cancer.

About 20% of ovarian cancers are found at an early stage. When found early at a localized stage, about 94% of patients live longer than 5 years after diagnosis. Four possible symptoms of early ovarian cancer include:

• Bloating (due to a mass or accumulation of fluid)
• Pelvic or abdominal pain
• Difficulty eating or feeling full quickly
• Urinary symptoms (urgency or frequency)

These symptoms can of course be caused by other less serious conditions, but when these symptoms are caused by ovarian cancer they occur more often and are more severe.

Ways to find ovarian cancer early include pelvic exams, seeing a doctor if you have any of the symptoms noted above, and screening tests (transvaginal sonography and CA-125).

Surgery to stage and remove the cancer may include removing the uterus, both ovaries, and both fallopian tubes, thus eliminating your chances of conceiving a child (insert side eye to Facebook here).  It also means that you will go into menopause if you haven't already done so. Chemotherapy, targeted therapy, and hormone therapy are the use of drugs to treat the cancer. Radiation therapy uses high energy x-rays to kill cancer cells.

I just wanted to highlight a few points about ovarian cancer, but more information can be found at American Cancer Society, and I implore you to check out this information.

Let's Be Aware!!!!

Friday Fashion Fix.....Jungle Boogie!!

Animal Print Accessories.......

A Little Bit Of Sade

The beautiful and talented Sade is now on tour, and as I've mentioned before I'm a big fan. She performed here in Georgia a few weeks ago and regrettably I missed her performance. I've heard nothing but great reviews from those who had the opportunity to see her show.

So for your listening pleasure, here's a little bit of Sade......